Have you just broken up with a guy? Are you lost without him? Do you wonder if you can get him back? Here’s a little bit of advice about a boyfriend break up which might help you through the tough times. First things first – when you break up with your boyfriend, decide whether the relationship is truly over. Take this part seriously! If you’re still pining for your ex boyfriend, what you need is help to get your ex back, not help to get over him. Until you are able to confidently say that your ex belongs in your past and not your present and future, moving on is going to be far more difficult.
Assuming you are ready to move on, there are a number of steps you can take to reach some all important closure. Without some form of closure (even self imposed closure) its hard to recognize that the relationship is over and start the healing process. So how do we achieve that?
Perhaps the first thing you should do is communicate your hurt. Get it out there, warts and all. There are several ways to do this:
1. Talk to friends and family who are truly empathetic and can help you work through your feelings. Don’t be too disheartened if you find some of your friends aren’t consistently responsive to your pain here. The reality is we all have our daily distractions and it may be that some of your friends will be caught up in their own thing, much as they might try to be there for you at the start. But a true friend will stick by you and offer you the shoulder you need to cry on.
2. Go into short term therapy so you can work through your feelings with a dispassionate third party. Yeah I know, therapy has that stigma attached to it. Don’t let going to therapy mean more than it does. It may just be you get someone who has to listed to you rant about your ex, and if you get more than that from some light counseling, its time well spent.
3. Write down your feelings in a journal, in poetry, or in music. This is an inexpensive way to express yourself and doesn’t require anyone else to participate.
Once you have attained some level of closure, take the some times ominous step of ridding yourself of anything belonging to your ex that you still have. These things will only serve remind you of him and the boyfriend break up. Return those things which have value. Ditch the rest. If there are gifts from your ex that you genuinely want to keep, put them in storage or out of sight for the time being.
Next, figure out how you are going to spend your time now that you are not part of a couple. It’s amazing how much time you seem to have on your hands right after a break up, so use it constructively rather than letting it be a reminder of what used to be. You may just find that you have been liberated by your break up by being given the time you need to do what you want to do.
Get involved in anything that make you feel happy. Go to the gym so that you look and feel good. Spend some time getting pampered at the spa or getting a manicure. Take salsa lessons! Learn a new language.
By doing things that please you, you make an investment in yourself which can lead to you being a happier person. You’ll also find that you miss your ex a lot less.
One of the clear indications you will eventually get that makes you realize you are over your ex is that you start to feel comfortable again with just being you, instead of being you in the context of a couple. You may even start to develop feelings for a new guy. Maybe these will be reciprocated. Eventually, you will no doubt find a new man and form a new relationship. You won’t even be thinking about the boyfriend break up, or what it took to get over your ex.