So the relationship is over but now you have decided that you want your ex back.  Are your sure it is your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend you are missing and not just having someone special in your life?   This is especially important if you were the one who initially decided on the break up.

Most relationships go through a bad patch at some point.  Some of the best relationships have survived problems that would have torn apart less sturdy marriages.  Ever heard the maxim that relationships are all about give and take?  Sometimes we need reminding that it doesn’t mean that one person gives and the other takes!   Men and women can be very different beings and its only natural that it can take some adjusting to learn to live with one another.
Deciding you want to share your life with someone is a big commitment.  The sexual attraction between a couple, especially in the early stages, can often cloud their judgment and it is surprising how many people effectively fall into long term relationships without having consciously decided to be in one.  There’s nothing wrong with this of course, and having a relationship make a natural progression to something serious and long term can be an amazing thing.  But often, the move from sensational to serious can be so subtle that couples don’t even have a chance to see if they agree on the basics.  Little things like where you want to live and whether you want to have children are often forgotten in the excitement of being together.

Similarly, men and women fall out for all sorts of reasons.  At times of financial and family stress, we often pick on those nearest to us.  When you care for another person and know them intimately you have the power to really hurt that person.  If we ourselves are hurting, we often turn that hurt and anger onto the other person.

It is important to understand why you broke up in the first place. If you ended the relationship because of some fundamental difference, such as one of you wanted children and the other not, then you will find that this probably hasn’t changed. You may get back together but in the long run may split up again if this issue is not resolved.  Forcing someone into a huge life commitment like having a child against their will does not usually result in a long  term happy relationship and is often a recipe for disaster.  If you have very different viewpoints on these life issues, the hard reality may be that you should stay apart and find someone more compatible to fall in love with.

If, on the other hand, you split up because of jealousy or some petty incident which seems resolvable, then your relationship may be worth saving.  If you really miss your previous partner and know that you want to share your life with them, then you must do everything in your power to get back with your ex.

Contact your partner and let him/her know that you would like to meet up to discuss the future.  Do not get involved in a dissection of what went wrong before. It is too easy to put the blame on the other person.  Instead agree that there were problems but that you would like to rekindle the relationship.   If you want your ex back and your relationship was serious then you might want to suggest counselling.  It is often helpful to have an impartial person listen to your discussions. You are less likely to lose your temper, storm out and find yourself suddenly single again.

Either way, being clear within yourself that a reunification is what you really want can be a very positive first step to being sure you want your ex back.  Sometimes you just know.  In a poll we recently undertook, almost 50% of people looking to get back with their ex said it was because they knew their ex was their soul mate.  If you are that certain, then the next step should be clear.

Tags: soul mate, sure you want your ex back, want your ex back, you want your ex back, your ex back