When confronted with an unwanted or unexpected breakup men are sometimes at a loss on what to do. Not only has our confidence taken a hit, but we sometimes struggle with a clear idea of how we can convince our ex that breaking up was a mistake. Now, some women might say some men are all too good at worming their way back into their good books. We’re not talking about those sort of men, we’re talking about the ones who genuinely want the relationship to endure, but are wondering things like what he should say to his ex to get her back. Let’s take a look at some tips on how to approach this prickly problem.
If a woman has ended a relationship she probably has her reasons. If we seriously want to convince our ex to start the relationship anew, we need to be prepared to work to overcome whatever caused the split in the first place. Admittedly, sometimes it won’t be clear why we have been dumped. If that’s the case, check out an earlier article, Breakup Advice For Men on seeking clarity or closure. But most of the time, we’re going to have at least some idea of why things have turned pear shaped. We need to, because if we manage to get a second chance, we don’t want to blow it for the same reasons as the first.
Another important thing to consider is why we want our ex back. Do we just miss the company of a good woman? If so, chances are we don’t specifically need our ex. But if our desire to get back with the ex relates to who she is and what she means to us, then we’re in business.
Now for a little introspection. What was it about us that first attracted our ex? Was it our looks, our wit, our caring side, our ambition? Did she used to revel in our doting on her, and the way we made her feel like the center of our universe. Whatever the case may be, we should ask ourselves the question whether we have stopped doing any or all of those things. Its best to be honest with our answer, because chances are we have at least eased off on the accelerator. Don’t be too hard on yourself, its only natural that as a relationship settles into that comfort zone that we sometimes start making less effort. But now is the time to remind ourselves just how important that effort can be. Can we easily be the person our ex fell in love with long term? If so, we’re still in with a chance.
Next, what are we going to say to our ex to get her back? The first meeting with an ex after a break up, or even the first telephone conversation can be a make or break point. Here’s a couple of tips on what not to say. Don’t beg. You’ll feel miserable afterward and probably only earn her pity, not her interest. Try not to criticize, this really only serves to highlight the fact you are ‘in conflict’, which is the very mentality we are seeking to overcome. Try not to be standoffish…even if we feel like she’s taken our feelings and stomped them in the dust. We don’t want her to feel guilt, we want her back because we’re good for her.
So what can we say? Keeping it light is a good start. Don’t be afraid to be forthright about where you stand, and consider making use of some of the good memories you had to your advantage. Channel who you are when you are at your best (even if this is not how your post breakup self might actually be feeling). Allow yourself to be confident, there was a reason she fell for you in the first place, and chances are you can make that happen again.
If we manage to convince our ex to meet up with us, be alert to her body language. There’s a technique known as ‘mirroring’ where we can appear in synch with someone by adjusting our body language to reflect theirs. If she touches you on the hand during conversation, reciprocate. If she uses a certain reference to your past which is positive, reinforce it with something similar. The mirroring should be subtle, so don’t overdo it, but can be effective if employed correctly.
Finally, what you need to do for your ex to get her back might be a whole combination of these things, and might take some time. Don’t be scared to let your attempts to bring her around take a little longer than you might have first hoped. Pushing things in a way that creates pressure for her is one sure way to engender a polar reaction, and the one which reinforces her initial decision to call it off. Instead, be focused on her. If she has a big case or review at work, send her a note of encouragement. With the prevalence of social networks these days its easier than ever to keep up with how your ex is going and to provide her with little pleasant reminders that you are thinking about her.
Having a plan makes all the difference, and striking a balance between proactively getting back your ex but allowing her to come to realize she still needs you is essential.